Falling
Well..just talked to Peter. He's not in a good mood. ::sigh:: Somethings wrong, Im not sure what..maybe it's because he's stressed about finals...or the fact that he didn't do anything today, but it stinks. Usually after talking to him I feel happy...dont know why really, just do. And I hadn't really talked to him in a couple days, so I was kinda' ISH looking forward to it, because my happiness has fallen..lots of thoughts about Tobi..and finals, and my friends (Theo, Colin, Emanuel, Peter, Juana, Paul, Megan, Tiffany...) and kinda' got me down. Colin fell from his faith and turned away from God..Theo is trying, which is awesome, but he's moving now so there's not much more that I can do except continue to pray. Also, I read his recent journal entries, and he seemed kinda'...dark..when talking about Colin. ::long sigh:: Tiff and Theo are finally friends again, which is great. I havent talked to Emanuel is awhile, he doesn't like talking to me anymore..and Megan..it's been a really long time..haven't hung out since....um...well, so long ago I cant remember...more than 6 months. Blaaaah. My eyes burn..and my head really hurts... things keep getting blurry...and Im like, seeing double...
I wish I could just leave...I wish I had my own life..I wish family and friends didn't have to be in my heart..I wish I didn't care...If I didn't care about Tobi...I wouldn't be in this situation!!! I HATE THIS SO MUCH! I cant do anything...I dont like reading anymore...I cant write..get too emotional..I could care less about music...
And the worst is..NOBODY KNOWS! Obviously, some people know, because they read this stupid thing...but even though they know..they cant do anything...I dont expect them to..or want them to..because they cant bring Tobi back...
I woke up this morning, after a long dream about Tobi..Stupid Mr. Puscar (landlord) was talking too loud in the kitchen with Dad, and I started tearing up..because right away I knew I wouldn't see him until my next dream, which could be weeks.. ::tear:: what the ****!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!