Sunday, April 30, 2006

Global Night Commute
Well last night was pretty much amazing. Despite the rain and the wind, things went awesome. The turnout was way more than I expected when it started to rain - there much have been at least a thousand, but maybe more. When we got there we started to set up the two large blue tarps that the Judes brought but we put the one with holes in it on top so soon after we had to flip them. Once we got the one without holes, though smaller, on top things went alright. Jill and I walked back and forth for about two hours probably in the rain just talking, I called Taylor at about 12 to see if he had any ideas about what else me and Jill could do and to make sure he wasnt getting drunk, lol. Then, at about 12:30 there was a group prayer where about 200-300 people gathered together to pray for the situation in Uganda. After praying, they all began to sing but by that point a few of us had already gone back to the tent because we finished praying early.

Anyway, Taylor called me at 3:20 AM and was saying some pretty werid stuff... Very bizarra... After I got off the phone with him me and Jill and most of the rest of the group were playing games, like the 7 degrees of Kevin Bacon and the movie quote game. As people were trying to fall asleep me and Jill started singing random songs. Good times. Around 4:00 I layed down to warm up because I was soaking wet, the wind was blowing on my back along with the drizzles of rain and I was shivering. Ten minutes after I was laying down, half of the tarp above us completely flew up and broke off the hook that we had attatched it to. I jumped up and grabbed it to hold it over the half of the people that were getting rained on and held it up until others came to the rescue.. lol. At that point I just stayed standing through sheer paranoia that the entire set up would collape at any given moment.

At 6 am we all gathered by the Abe Lincoln statue in Grant Park and prepared for pictures. We stood out there as the rain grew harder while Oprahs camera guy set up a crane to videotape the group holding up various signs. By about 7 we were heading back to the tent and cleaning up. Then while we were waiting for few people to get the cars since we all didnt want to walk back, a handful of us went to meet Jacob (one of the invisible children from Uganda). He was really nice and humble - quiet. Anyway, thats the night in a nutshell and Im tired, sore, and sick right now so Im about to head off to bed! :-) Goodnight - twas a wonderful experience and I'd do it again in a heartbeat.

Thursday, April 27, 2006

Good deal
Well, apparantly a lot has been going on concerning the Global Night Commute this coming Saturday. Jacob from the IC rough cut video will be coming to Chicago with one of the filmmakers to go on the NBC news and then theyll both be joining us for the night commute (assuming I understand correctly). I just think that is so cool because it really feels like stuff is happening; we are making a difference - big or small.

Anyway, this morning something kinda weird happened. Crystal was driving me to school and this guy in the car next to us was signaling for me to roll down my window; I thought he was either going to ask for directions to some place or tell us something was wrong with her car. He said "Something really great is on, AM 1160!" So I nodded and turned to the station. It was a Christian speaker talking about how all Christians will have to face the day of judgment with the Lord [ring any bells.... Saturday at Ro0ts?!] Haha, so that was pretty random yet impactful. It in KINDA annoying to witnessed to in the confines of our own car WHEN were already saved but I truely appreciate his efforts because I dont have the guts to do that.

So the morning did start off bad (crying again... dont know why) but it kinda got better as the day went on, minus the PSAE's, the stomach ache and horrible head ache that lasted four hours, it was a good day.

Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Today were the ACT's. I think I did poorly - my guess is I got a 22. I slept from 9:00 - 5:00 and I hada good breakfast, and I studied and practiced but when it came to taking the test, I just didn't know the material for some parts (math and science) and I never had enough time to even complete the sections. Everytime I ran out of time I just bubbled in all the blanks with a B because I figured that I'd have more of a chance in getting some right if they were all the same. (I.E. If put BDCAC and the answers were CABDA then I got nothing right but if I put them all as B then I at least get one see?) So that was my day, and then juniors got out of school at 11:10 so I just came to base. I was admittadly distracted during the test because today was a bad day (referring to the amount of depression I felt when I woke up). But whatever, my score will be what I deserve and I'll figure out college stuff later; I think it's safe to say that Illinois Wesleyan, Illinois State, and NIU are out though. Tomorrow I have the PSAE's.

Saturday, April 22, 2006

Rest for the weary
So we spent the night at the Judes last night - good times. I got more sleep than Ive gotten in the past 6 weeks and I was able to enjoy the company of the lovely Judses and young Ethan, whom by the way is completely hilarious. Just ask him to howl like a wolf/coyote. ^_^ So, that was good.

But something crazy has been going on lately... everyone has been dying; why? Three people died in their sleep (including my Dad) and the weirdest part to me is that its happening as spring rolls in. To me, I always imagined deaths occuring mid-winter or late winter - not end of winter early spring... But just the way it's like every week someone else dies, it really makes you think of your life and what you value. Tonight Jason talked about the day that Christians face judgement and receive different rewards, and like how Jesus could potentially say to us, "Well done good and faithful servant" and stuff like that. With how depressing the past couple months have been, that was a really encouraging thing to talk about because it actually made me feel like I have a reason to leave as opposed to facing the constant struggle to want to get out of bed or do my homework or even care about anything.

Mostly, Im just concerned about getting my life back straight with God before I allow the enemy to take advantage of my depression and make things a lot worse and also about who could die next and what I should do in response to the next death. How much closer can losing someone get? Tobi was the first close death that I have to deal with and that was like Job (not exactly but Tobi was VERY close to me) and I chose to say, "Okay God, I know Tobi died and my Dad is sick and thats hard but I still believe in you and can praise You.." Then Grandpa Gene died and that wasnt too hard to deal with but still kinda a wake up call. Then dad died and now Im starting to get to the point in Jobs life where I dont want to care anymore. The love for God is still there but the action is not behind the passion. I want to want to want to do things for Christ. (read that a few times, maybe you'll get it. lol) Anyway, I have announcements to prepare for for church tomorrow.

Friday, April 21, 2006

"Thought is real; physical is the illusion."

Well a lot has been going on so sorry for the lack of updates. School is still hard - I have a graded discussion in English class today about "A Farewell to Arms" which I will inevitably fail because I have talking during discussions; something about giving an opinion when its not entirely welcome or has already been said... I also have an essay to write for English: rough draft due Monday and final draft due Thursday. Mind you, Wednesday and Thursday are ACT's so how I'm going to manage both tasks will be interesting. As for other things in school - like H2O - things are going alright. The t-shirt discussion for H2O has been dug in the ground and basically I've given up on taking it out. Theyre ordering them sometime this week but the thing is some people want to change the color of them but I dont even get why the color matters that much. We chose black for the tshirt and bright blue for the font and now people are saying it wont stand out as much as they want it to: well then I say, ask yourself why you want the tshirt to stand out so much [hopefully peoples actions can speak louder than what their tshirt says.]

But anyway, home life is pretty much the same as before. Ma is still not adjusting much at all. She always has something to criticize: the movies we watch, the things on TV, stuff on the news, how we organize our room, or do our homework, or take care of Cleo. Its always something to complain about. I guess it was my hope that if something tragic happened, as it did, she'd be able to act completely loving and patient during the adjusting period but I see that was too much to hope for.

On a better note, Mission Radiance stuff is going good. The Global Night Commute is next week and it looks like we're going to be able to attend which is really exciting. Yay. But now, I have to go to school. -_-

Thursday, April 13, 2006

Things are going really bad
So life with Ma is pretty much sick. I can not stand being at this place - she drives me nuts. The reason we got along so well before all this recent stuff was because I only had to see her when I knew I could put up with her. She complains all the time - she acts like the entire world revolves around her - she acts as if my and crystals moving in here is a burden - she never says please or thankyou - she bosses me around (contrary to how my Dad asked me to do things). This sucks and I am so depressed. I hate my life again, as I did like 4 or 5 years ago before I got saved. Im so angry and all I want to do is leave - yet that isnt an option. Thankfully Kami has been taking me out most all of this week for a few hours until my Ma leaves for work (she leaves at 10:00 p.m.) Sunday and Monday we went out with Taylor, and most of the other days we just went to random stores and hung out. Given, I have had to stay up late to do homework but its not like I can sleep anyway so that doesnt really matter. We also found out that the truck is only worth eleven and crystals car costs about nine or ten so we arent getting much out of that. Social Security is decent but it ends in a year and wont amount to much more than what will cover ALMOST one year of college [assuming I dont take any out].... So yeah, life pretty much sucks. Everyone is acting like I should be "over this" by now... Six weeks later and they expect me to be bright eyed and cheerful... Well, thats not gonna happen for a long time; if at all until I move out. Argh, I'm really mad.