Monday, December 31, 2007

4 AM Forever - Lostprophets.

This song IS ICONIC of so much.
Can I just be the first to say I'm SO glad 2007 is coming to an end. So much happened this year and I honestly am so excited to move on from it. My relationship with Travis is over - finally. It has been so challenging to move on from him because he meant a lot to me. Letting go of him was the hardest part of loving him (as Kids in the Way says it). Not everything about that relationship was bad. I have amazing memories and I made quite a few friends through Travis. Namely Kevin and Drew. They were so great to me when it came to getting over Travis - I couldn't have asked for anything more. And I cannot forget the fact that me and Kami re-established our friendship. She is amazing, I love that girl and I cannot wait for her to move back to Illinois!

As far as Northern goes, well it is a chunk of my life I wish never happened. I'm going to be paying for that mistake for a long time. It just keeps coming back and biting me in the butt. But I grew up a lot while there - I was off on my own and its probably exactly what I needed to become ME, not crystals little sister and not Kami's shadow. I have my own personality now and I hate to say it but you can love it or hate it but I will not change easily. I am blunt and I am brutally honest - I tell it like I see it even if it will hurt - I do this I guess because so many people have been pansy-dancing around telling me stuff and I hate it. I would prefer people just TELL ME when something is wrong or if they have a problem with me. Dont expect me to just know. That's definitely a lesson I learned this year.

As far as 2008 goes, I have a lot of goals. I NEED to get a job and pay off NIU this year. I NEED to get my license and get a car. I NEED to enroll in school. I WANT to lose 30 lbs by my birthday. Starting the year at 158 and I should be to at least 130 by May 10th. Keep me accountable! :P I also WANT to be an amazing friend to Kami, Kevin, Drew, Chrissie, and Theo. They have each been amazing to me at some point. BUT I refuse to hurt myself again to please anyone. The fact is, at the end of this year I have built a wall and anyone is welcome in my life but if they have hurt me before they will have to climb that wall. Forgive the analogy but its the best way I can describe whats going on without naming names or giving details.

Wish me luck in 2008! I will DEFINITELY need it.