Monday, September 29, 2003

This is an entry I sent in for a contest at the library...:

Dear God,
So much has happened to me this past year. As you know, I decided to become a Christian back in May of 2003, after attending the youth retreat. Later on, I started straying from my path with you. One of the biggest hurdles I’ve come across was Dad’s surgery on Friday, June 13th, 2003. As I’m sure you recall, he needed to get his bypass surgery from 30 years ago reversed. He was also going to get a gastric bypass surgery, but when the surgeons opened him up, they found his tissue was too thin and weak, and had to close him up after the first surgery was completed. That resulted in him not getting the gastric bypass. All summer, Dad was in the hospital. Finally, at the end of August, Dad was moved to a nursing home to recover for 20 days. Unfortunately, in his last five days of being there, he got some virus and had to be rushed back to the hospital. Finally though, Dad began to recover. Throughout this whole struggle, I bounced back and forth from being a Christian, as I’m sure you remember. Right when I was the strongest in my faith that I had ever been, my 12 year old dog, Tobi, died. It was on August 27th, 2003, my first day of school. I remember I wasn’t able to sleep that night, and I thought it was just because of nerves. Little did I know that at 2:00 am that morning, I would be calling Dad at the hospital, who would be calling our neighbor, Dawn, whom in which would rush my sister and me to a vet, where we would have to put our dog to sleep. I missed my first day of high school. It took me about a week or two to start going to church and youth group again, but I made it. Right now God, I am having a bit of trouble with the people at school prosecuting me for my faith and with my Mom, who doesn’t believe me when I say I am a Christian. In all honesty, I don't care what the people at school think, because I know you God, and that’s so much better than stressing about what they think of me. But it’s really hard knowing that my very own Mom cant believe me. It hurts, knowing that I have changed so much this past summer while becoming a better Christian. I don't listen to the Goth music like I used to, and I barely ever swear anymore. I even had a talk with my sister, trying to get her to respect our Mom more, since it’s a commandment and all. I felt so wronged when she denied me of that truth. God, please write me back soon, and show me the right way to address my struggles.

Love Always: Naomi Star __last name__

Saturday, September 27, 2003

The 10 commandments misinterpreted
Oh, Man! Me and Mom and Crystal got in a huge fight in the car yesterday. I totally blew up! It started when me and Cyrstal were talking about the christian club..theres one called H2O, and Mom heard us...she spoke up when we finished talking..She said "I dont see how you guys can start a christian club when you dont even act like christians." OH MY GOSH! How dare she say that, right!? She said "its a commandment to honor your parents..."
Crystal said, yes "Respect". Mom "honor, meaning put your parents above you" The argument continued with that..crystal was saying we cant respect her if she shows us no respect..true. My arguement was that she has no right to judge us..The only person who can judge something like that is God. And the nerve that she had to say that..shes not even close to acting like an ideal christian..what does an ideal christian act like anyway?! I was so mad! I have been working so hard for the past 3 months to become a better friends noticed a huge change..but no, mom hasnt noticed anything different..I dont swear anymore, Im not obsessed with Charmed, I listen to mostly only Christian music...and all this stuff. Just the other day, I told Crystal we need to start respecting Mom because its a commandment, and we should work harder on following those..then this.. I dong know. Im still so mad that she had the nerve to say that.

Wednesday, September 24, 2003

Well, coping with Tobi's death has been really hard lately. I'm still in the mind set that he's here....I'll wake up in the middle of the night, and walk around the house frantically, looking for him....but he's never there, and then I remember he died. I think this would all be easier if I hadn't seen it all take place..seen him in pain...and everything.

I died my hair black...I look very dark. People have gone as far as saying I look goth... I did this because it really reflects how I feel...not so much as feeling dark, because I dont. I feel uplifted, having become a christian, but...still. I guess it reflects the pain I feel about Tobi.

Some good news is only 5 days after Dad's recent surgery, he had a bowel movement!! Right on schedule. I'm trying really hard not to get my hopes up...I'm not ready to handle another dissapointment.

World History is really rough. This 2 page doubled-spaced essay on Cleopatra is due tomorrow. Luckily, I finished. But today, Mr. Dowd assigned a new project. I dont know when it's due..but we need 8 slides...not cards, and a 1-2 page double-spaced essay! It seems like alot to me, but I guess it's not. Adal and Tracie are in my group. I think they will work, but when we are given class time for it, they will goof off..I dont know though.

I cant handle Crystal anymore...She told me mom is still having affects from the Acid she did when she was a teenager....and that shes so paranoid about people, and the way she acts is because of that. After I found out, I tried to be more patient with her, knowing that theres a reason she acts like that. I asked Crystal to just not respond, as Julia and aunt Kathy suggested... But she said no. She wont let mom talk down to her (Mom does that alot). I simply said that I didnt want to be in the middle of it..because they both look stupid when they fight..i know, because I used to fight with mom all the time..and I look at myself, and realize how stupid I look. So, she said, "Your not in the middle, your in the back seat!" and I got so frusterated..I mean, sometimes I want tot talk to Crystal about stuff, but I cant, because her attitude. I dont know what to do. Also, Im trying really hard to follow the commandment saying to respect our parents..I feel like Crystal isnt even trying! AHH!

Also, I got a NEW HOODIE today! And a new book. Mom bought me those. ANDDDDDD Tiffany bought me the new Charmed CD! AHH! I cant believe she did that!!!!!
Music of the ear- Skillet :: Rest

Sunday, September 21, 2003

Festival Con Dios
The concert was SOOO cool! When we arrived, 7 places was playing. After them, it was FM static, Matthew West, Thousand Foot Krutch, Sky Harbor, SanctusReal, OC Supertones, Kutless, KJ-52, then the Newsboys. The best band, by far, was Kutless! But most of those bands were so great! Throughout the concert, there was a clown named Happy or something, handing out balloons and pins, and there was a huge ball being tossed around the crowd. people were body surfing and mosg pitting...I got kicked in the head by a body surfer..and the mosh pitting was really..rough. Lol, to say the least! But it was great. We bought the SanctusReal CD and the poster. My favorite song of their's is "Hey Wait"

So confined to the fear that you hold on to
Time unwinds and nothing seems
Promised you

Hey wait, i want to take you for a ride
Hey wait, i want to catch you
While there's time

Who'll pick you up when there's no one
Who'll hold you up when your heart
Hits the ground?

So defined by a love that has fallen through
But hope is kind
When you hope in something
You know is true

Hey wait, i want to take you for a ride
Hey wait, i want to catch you
While there's time

I'll pick you up when there's no one
I'll hold you up when your heart
Hits the ground

You're tired and you can't take
Another time around
You know it's hope i'm holding
So i hope i've found you in this
(i've found you in this)

I'll pick you up when there's no one
I'll hold you up when you heart
Hits the ground

I'll pick you up when there's no one
I'll hold you up when you heart
Hits the ground


((Although..people around me where using my as a stepping stone to get somwhere..this one lady kept shoving me to get closer to the girl she was with..and I got pushed away from Crystal and the rest of the group. Soon enough, Dan was getting pushed away, so Crystal grabbed me and pulled me past them. Then, I grabbed Dan and we were in a group again...Later, when Kutless came on...these two blond girls were grabbing my shoulders and jumping..pushing me down..Dan was laughing, and then moved over so I could go stand by him and Josh. Lol. I was getting pushed around alot. But all in good fun! Jolly Good Times, as Crystal would say!))

Thursday, September 18, 2003

Silent Prayers
Dear God,
Its me again
And I come to you on my knees
I ask you for some help and guidence
I feel lost, and seek appease

Dear God,
Its me again
And I come to you with hands held high
I ask of you for some strength and hope
For I feel abandoned, and I want to die

Dear God,
Its me again
And I come to you with love in my heart
I ask of you for some support and love
For I feel alone, and I dont want to depart
Second Surgery
Daddy's surgery is in a half hour. He's really nervous, and so am I. I guess our church are all praying for him at 2:00 pm today...when surgery starts. So that's comforting. But, Im still really worried....if he died...I dont even know. I cant handle and Crystal would go to foster care or something. Oh well. That's all I really want to say today.

Friday, September 05, 2003

School People
So, we are not burying Tobi in the pet cemetary. :'-( I haven't cried real hard in 2 days..then again, I haven't really laughed neither. I haven't felt much of anything. Actually, I mostly feel anger. And since my Mom has been acting up really bad lately, I have been taking it out on her. I dont mean to be so her, but she really knows how to push my buttons. It's crazy how bad she can irritate me.

But at school, I met a few really nice people. This girl Tracy, she was apparantly in my sisters World History class last year, but failed, and now she is in mine. She is really nice, and she's funny. I used to call her the foot stomper..because at this one poetry reading at Hoffman, she stepped on my foot, and didnt say sorry.. Heh. But yeah. We're friends now. I met her friend today, Cammy. I dont know her much at all, but I thought it was really cool, she told Tracy that I am really easy to talk to, and she didnt feel uncomfortable at all meeting me. Another kid in my world history class is Adal. (I think that is how he spells it) He is really funny! And he seems really smart. I had a paper frog sitting on my desk today, and he made me a swan. CUTE! Hehe. But yeah. He is in my sisters first class, health. He doesnt know who she is though. Um. These two kids, Aaron and Eric (I think theyre names are)in my English class are pretty cool. I dont know them much, but they hate Good Charlotte, love monkeys, and wear green shoes. Aaron is like, obsessed with my big green safety pin (as was Emanuel and Sylvia last year), and he loves my mini handcuffs. Good times! ^_^ Les me see now. Who else have I met? Oh, Colin, from Biology. I loaned him 5$ a few days ago, he never payed me back. Hes a goth/punk/type thing...Hes cool. He doesnt talk much, but its all good, because I dont either. Ummmmm. I know I'm forgetting someone....Oh well.

Then, this kid, Brent, whom in which I have known for...umm, I guess, like, 5 years. We never really talked fact, I was under the impression he was a naomi-hater. I guess not. He ran into my sister my first day of school, and asked how I was doing. She told him not good, because our dog died. So today, he talked to me in English and said his dog died a month or so was really nice of him to mention it...because even my closest friends dont want to talk about it...or make me feel better. Heck, Jennifer was just plain rude about it. Saying there was no point in burrying Tobi since he was already cremated..I havent talked to her much at all since she said that. But anyway, that was really sweet of Brent to say that. Lol.

--I hope nobody from school reads this! Nobody can know Im not mean and cold hearted!!!!--