Grief
Everyone, Mom, Crystal, and Dad are pushing me to go out. To youth group, church, to hang out with friends, or just go out to the mall. And just because I dont want to, they are all freaking out. Crystal is saying Im giving into the Devil...by allowing him to use my greif as a portal to drag me down. Dad and Mom are pushing me to go out and do stuff. It makes me so incredibly mad. We had Tobi for 12 years of my life. That's basically my whole life. And after only 5 days, they expect me to bounce back! What is 5 days, compared to 12 years. 5 horrible days, or grieving, compared to 12 years of happiness and love? I wish they would all just back off and leave me alone. Just for awhile. I just need to get all the tears out...After 15-18 hours on Wendsday...and a few hours everyday since then...It will only be a few months. I gotta' slowly start doing things...I cant just jump back into things like Crystal. It's like she just grieved one day, and next day she moved on. I dont know what that is, but I know I cant do it. I mean, I cant even type what happened to Tobi, let alone say it. Shes told family and close friends. I cant even sit in the car and sing to a song without crying. It's hard to talk without crying. Theres this constant lump in my throat..so I just wish they would live me alone until I feel open enough to atleast say it, or think it, without crying, rather than pushing me to do crap!

AND WE BETTER BURY HIM IN THE PET CEMETARY!!!!!!!!!
Crystal and Dad are talking about just having him cremated..and leaving it at that..I dont care, I'll find a way to get a job..or have my friends give me money..some way, Tobi will be buried respectfully..again, after 12 years, the best of my life....Tobi deserves more than what they are talking about giving him. Mucg more.