Where do I go from here?
Alot has changed since I last updated. It's been awhile...but I haven't felt like updating at all lately. I only am today because I have nobody to talk to and I need to state what Im thinking...whether anyone sees it or not, I dont know.. :-( Theo hates me, and Jen does too I think. I tried to talk to Jen a few times, but she always brushes me off...and Theo, well, everytime I pass him he scowls or makes some face. I told Tiffany, and when she noticed, she got mad at him and told him she didnt like it when people treated her friends like that. He blew up at her, and now I feel bad because basically I ruined their friendship. As for Tracie, well, me, her and Adal were supposed to do a project on WW2. Me and Adal invited her into our griup because we love her and we felt bad that she didn't have a group...so, after alot of begging to Mr. Dowd, she was in our group. The only down side was that we had to do soem extra work, since we had more members in our group than everyone else....Anyway, Tracie didnt do any work at all. I got stuck doing all her work the night before it was due. Adal and I were mad at her and debating whether or not to tell, but she could tell how upset we were, so she told Mr. Dowd herself. Things pretty much worked out. Lets see, my other friends..Colin...yeah, he's still my friend, but I dont think I can talk to him. Im not really comfortable around him, Im not sure why. Adal is my friend..I think. There wouldnt be a doubt in my head about that if it werent for a few days ago when he was sitting beside me in the hall at lunch, and someone put a pop top on my head. This girl Dena told me he was pointing at my head...like telling her to look, and she told me it was there...she thinks he put it there. I dont think hes the type of kid to do something like that, he seems so sincere when he says Im his friend, but as Ive said before, I have major trust issues. Peter....Ive been talking to him for a few minutes at lunch. Its really awkward, we dont have much to say. I bet within a few days, we'll stop talking again...I dont want to, but those awkward silences are deadly.
Aside from friends, I can feel myself going away from God.I dont want to, and I'm trying to pray about it, but Im not feeling anything anymore. Me and Dad were tearing up in the car yesterday on the way to the library to meet Adal...we missed Tobi. I can usually hold it in until Im alone, but not yesterday. -_- I really miss him...
It sucks, nobody even knows...like, i dont know, I literally feel empty....but its a lonely feeling to. Those are just words, and cant express in the slightest what Im feeling, but I dont know what else to say. im scared to sleep again, because Ive been having dreams about him again....and when I wake up it really hurts...I walked into Hobby Lobby to get something, and looked around and wanted to cry....I saw picture frames and Tobi kept coming to my mind...I cant stop thinking about him! I CANT CONCENTRATE! IM LOSING ALL MY FRIENDS AND THERES NOTHING I CAN DO ANYMORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!