Words mean nothing
Never in my life have I felt like this...Words seem so empty, and when I tell people, they are just words. Nobody seems to understand how I feel...I dont like these nights..where I cant stop crying. But its not only crying.. when i was younger, id cry because i was scared...and im sure almost everyone reading this, has only cried that cry.Its a hard cry. I thought it was the worst kind, until this year. The first time Dad went into the hospital, I had this, alone cry. This stuck cry. Its like, your crying, and you cant sleep, because it hurts so much. And you try to do something else, but the pain is still there. And even when you dont cry, the pain is there. When I used to read, or hear that peoples hearts felt heavy, or empty, they seemed like just words, and meant nothing to me..but now, feeling that right now, its such a bad feeling. Everytime I think of one day, Cleo not being here, I cry...I love her so much, and I just..I went in my room, and was hugging her. Brought her out here, in the living room to just hold her..but I couldnt stop crying.. I stand.. and I want to go..away...but theres nowhere to go..and Im so scared..and lost, when Im stuck here...
Then, It hurts so much when i tell people, and all they say is, Im so sorry,its okay, or my favorite, it'll be better soon. I only tell people in hope that they will just listen..Ive always wanted a friend, who would go to all lengths to like, maybe hang out with me or just, do anything to take my mind off things. But now, I dont think people like that exsist anymore. My sister has friends kind of like that. Her, Brendan, and Melody are hanging out Thursday..Ill be home alone again..I could go with them...but Id be like, a 4th wheel. I dont know Brendan, and Crystal will want to talk to them about stuff, old times..I wont know what theyre talking about. Its useless...Geez, its amazing how friends can cause so much pain when they mean well..