Demons in my head
I talked to Crystal about the day it all went down. She knew exactly what I was talking abou and she completely agrees. But I just feel really down lately. Im really sick of...of the bottom falling out. Because every single time my life starts to look up the slightest bit, something goes wrong and I have to start from scratch. Its just really getting old. I know my life has been going downhill since I was 5, when Grandma Rose died and Mom went nuts. But, when I was 9, and the divorse started, that was the ultamite low point. We had hit rock bottom. I keep trying to rise above it all, but its really hard. Especially this time, where as I have nobody to really talk to. Tiffany isnt trustworthy after I found out she told Emanuel about "Exsaveyear." I cant talk to Emanuel because I dont want to complain that much when he has enough to worry about in his life. Definately not Peter because I basically just met him. And Megan and I arent really friends anymore. I kind of talk with Crystal, but she doesnt want to hear it. So, Im stuck. Atleast before, when everything went down I had friends to talk to. Oh well. Dad called, and he said that the doctor told him if things keep looking up, he might be able to come home on Friday. Though, I dont want him to come home if hes not fully ready again. Last time he did, well, it ended like this. And he kept having those episodes. Thats just something I cant handle right now. But if hes better, I cant wait for him to come home. Even though I have to take care of him...um, his being here should make things a bit easier. I guess. ::sigh:: And now, having cried last night, I think I wont get to that low point for another week or two. I hope. Then again, I think so much now, and Im having those flash back type things again, I dont know when my next low will be. Last night I had a nightmare. I guess the important thing is that I finally slept.
I wrote a poem today. I called it "Not a fairytale" and I really liked it. It was basically exactly how I feel right now. I feel like I dont get the happy ending, and I just have to accept that. Its hard to comprehend though. Anyway. I was so incredibly bored today. The only time I was entertained was when Passions was on and Eve lit the club on fire when her daughter Whitney, then Chad, Fox, and Teresa were in the club. She didnt know, but I hope someone dies. I want Eve to feel worse! Haha. But after that, bored out of my mind. Tiffany was the only one online and we have nothing to talk about. Im sick of reading, and there is nothing to draw! Tomorrow at 1:00pm Im going to Family Video with Mom. I intend to rent a movie. And Dad got Public Aid. He had some lady cash that and the child support, so we have a bit more money now. The Public Aid is for rent, but atleast now we will have some money to see a movie or something. ^_^.
On Charmed today, it was the one with the demon who went in peoples heads and placed thoughts that they didnt help people, they hurt them. I kinda' want to think that demon is real, because those are the thoughts that are always in my head. I know demons from Charmed dont exsist though. Heh. All the same, thats probably one reason Im obsessed with Charmed. I can so easily relate to the difficulties and struggles that occur on the show. But anyway, Crystal is now bothering me to go back online and talk to Armand. Ooh, Emanuel just IM'd me. I dont know if I'll let her go online now. tee hee hee. Oh well, "Where is the love" just came on! Well, thats about it for today I guess.