Who's shoulder can I cry on?
"Ill be your crying shoulder
Ill be a love of suicide
Ill be better when Im older
Ill be the greatest friend of your life"
This song is on right now. I love this song. Who sings it?!
Anyway, I wrote Jennifer a note, and i finally told someone whats wrong...I didnt tell her exactly what I think about, but I simply said I think about Tobi. What I didnt tell her was that the image of him dying haunts me in my sleep, and when I shut my eyes, or think a little too hard...Almost constantly, its in my head. And the reason I didnt want to go swimming was because I feel like im drowning, in real life...struggling to reach the surface..and having to actually swim in gym was...crazy. I like to run alot better..why? because im always running away from the thoughts in my head..I feel like screaming. So when I run in gym, it kinda' feels like IM getting away..hah, problem is..im running in a circle and keep ending up at the same spot I started at. Oh well. I didnt give her that detail..But, if she reads my journal, she'll know.
Im kinda sad too! Theo is moving in a few weeks. Its just going to be me and Jen again..how lonely? right?! Kinda like, we got a taste of not being alone, and then it just gets taken away...Ive been praying that God wont let me slip back into my old ways..always thinking about cutting myself to sease the pain inside for seconds on end. It sounds crazy to those who dont feel as I do, so anyone who reads this I can only hope will not judge.
Oh well. lets see. Concert on Friday...Im excited! I love the noice...it drowns out all thought processing! :-)

"Will you, will you be here, tomorrow? So will you, you remember, yesterday!"