Smile!

girls overnighter

“Well, I'm gonna get out of bed every morning... breath in and out all day long. Then, after a while I won't have to remind myself to get out of bed every morning and breathe in and out... and, then after a while, I won't have to think about how I had it great and perfect for a while.” – Sleepless in Seattle

People always ask me now: "How are you doing?" and they expect a deep, meaningful answer in the five minutes they spare to ask the question. Everyone wants to be the one person I confide in. Even in times of spectacular pain, people are selfish. Living in the world for nearly seventeen years, I wouldn't expect this to be a shock but it really is.

Now that almost two weeks has passed, people expect things to be over. Not many seem to realize that it doesnt end at the funeral or the week after it happens - nor two weeks, nor three. This will carry on with me for not only the next few weeks, but months or probably even years. I've heard that a parents death will stay with a person for the rest of their life. So why, then, is it that people think two weeks is enough healing time? Nearly 17 years can not be healed in the busy time span of two weeks.

So, what have I learned so far through all this? Have compassion! It is the only thing that really matters and it is pretty much the only thing I think people should be striving for in their lives.

Life

I went to my councelor today, at school. She showed a lot of compassion - that was very helpful. A few of my friends have been kinda cold hearted to my situation. Not many, just a few, but it is so frustrating. When I mentioned the fact that my councelor is going to talk to my US History teacher and try to make it so I can take that final after spring break, one of my friends acted as if it wasnt fair; she acted as if I were being a drama queen... But thankfully my councelor is trying to help out and Im just hoping things can work out for the best. I need good grades right now, and I need to do good on the ACT because I have to start applying to colleges and I would hate for all my chances to drop significantly because of this tragedy (as my advisors like to phrase it.) Thankfully, my social security looks like its going to be a fairly high ammount; so much, in fact, that it may cover the cost of college, or at least half. Assuming I'm able to receive it starting May this year through May next year [when I turn 18]

Really quickly, this week I have a lot to do. I have to catch up on all the work I missed, pack the house, and try to start reading the bible again as much as I was before all this happened. Next week I have to start moving in with Mom and find somewhere that we can send Cleo... Yes, I have to give her away. Anyway, I should get to bed... Not to say I can sleep, but I should try.

"Life and Death and Death and Life, right next door to eachother!" - Elizabethtown

Life has been hectic lately.
Last Sunday Dad died.
Last Monday I cried.
Last Tuesday I cried and slept.
Last Wednesday was Dad's funeral.
Last Thursday was the spreading of his ashes.
Last Friday was brunch with the relatives and meeting with a financial advisor.
Last Saturday was Ro0ts and running errands.
Sunday was Church and homework.
Monday was school and badminton.
Tuesday was school and H2O.
Wednesday was school and badminton and taking Cleo to the Vet.
Today I have school [I just quite badminton] and homework and running errands and Cleo gets a haircut.

Monday was an okay day - I was living in the minute, not thinking ahead or behind.
Tuesday was a bit harder but still, I did okay until the night (where as I cried most of it)
Wednesday got hard. I was tired from lack of sleep and busy and got a fever.

Thursday is today. I think it will be hard but not as bad as yesterday. Im stressed about moving and getting rid of my dog, Cleo. We have to get boxes and move into Ma's by the end of March. Change is hard - but chance amongst pain is worse. I realized though, death truly is a curse.

Michael Lee Joseph October 6, 1952 - March 5, 2006

I joined the bad minton team at school. We meet Monday-Friday from 3:00 - 5:00... On Tuesdays I have to go to H2O until 4:00 and then finish with badminton until 5:00.... Also on Fridays I have Leadership meetings for H2O.... I may not be able to make it to half of them.... But I'd really HATE to do that so I'm just going to pray about it... Today was my first meeting. I'm really bad at the sport - compared to the other girls. Still, its a good work out that I am committed to and cant "lazy out of"... Plus it keeps me busy - REALLY BUSY! lol. I dont know, mostly I just think a sport would look good on college apps. and I want eve able to do the golf team so... badminton.. wooh.. hooh..