I was faithless through what I thought was a friendless fiasco.

Okay, now this is one of the most personal posts Ive ever written, er, am going to write but I want to get it out.. Last Friday, October 1, 2004.. I was on the phone with my friends Megan and Emanuel. Emanuel has been going through a lot of junk lately and I havent seen Megan for a year and a half because she moved and we just never made plans. So were all on the phone just talking, and I realize how "out of the loop" I really am. They know exactly what eachother is talking about and I was so clueless. About bands, Tv.. etc. A part of me, the smaller part was proud of myself that Ive come so far in my walk with God that Im becoming less of the the world and more a child of Him. But the bigger part of me was almost upset. I used to be the one in the group who knew the latest music, who would laugh at Emans gross jokes.. etc.. Now, the tables have turned. Im the one telling him its not funny, saying I dont know what band theyre talking about.. And I started to feel like a prude.. It was just hard. That on top of sitting alone at lunch and having nobody to talk with, well, it wasnt easy like I said. At youth group it kinda feels like everyone has their best friend. Jackie and Reese or Reese and TIff.. Or Jill and TIff.. Ryan and Erik, Eric and Erik, etc.. And I know.. I KNOW God is more than enough..but it doesnt make having no friends in person any easier. I am so thankful that God is there for me, at all times, no matter what.. Anyway, I think the last thing was Sunday at this new youth group we went to in Lombard when everyone was making some really good friends and I was left in the dark. I said hi and stuff to a lot of people but nobody really talked to me. One girl was so excited to meet Jill, Crystal started talking with this guy Mike who goes to a highschool close to ours.. and I was just standing there. I couldnt understand why Im always the one people dont want to talk to. Why I have no social skills. I started being more like JIll, loud and out spoken.. and being more like the rest of the youth who have lots of friends and I couldnt understand why it wasnt working. Why do people like Jill/Jax/Crys/Reese/Tiff etc and not me?! On the ride home from the youth group I was just listening to my music and basically trying to figure things out. Had God called on me to be a loner? I hoped not because I really have a desire to have close friends and people I can talk with. I was listening to this song by "Barlow Girl" called 'Mirror'. The chorus says : >>Who are you to tell me, That I'm less than what I should be? Who are you? Who are you? I don't need to listen To the list of things I should do, I won't try, I won't try<<>