Lullaby
1. Harder Than You Know - Escape the Fate
2. Save Us - Cartel
3. Intensity in Ten Cities - Chiodos
4. Stolen - Dashboard Confessionals
5. Smother Me - The Used
6. Your Guardian Angel - Red Jumpsuit Apparatus
7. Everything We Had - The Academy Is
8. Hands Down - Dashboard Confessionals
9. Fall For You - Secondhand Serenade
10. Lullaby - Spill Canvas
11. Connect the Dots - Spill Canvas
12. Always All Ways - Lostprophets
13. Stay Away - The Honorary Title
14. Everything We Once Had - The Honorary Title
15. I'd Hate to be You When People Find Out What This Song is About - Mayday Parade
16. One Man Drinking Game - Mayday Parade
17. 4am Forever - Lostprophets
18. Science Fiction - Everclear
19. Wipe That Smile Off Your Face - Our Lady Peace
20. Acoustic #3 - Goo Goo Dolls

TATTOO

RETREAT

Head in the Pool

I want to bury my head under water

So that everything is muffled

So that the people standing above me

Are nothing but a blur

And the words they are saying

Is nothing but monotone babbling.

I want the water to eclipse my thoughts

I want it to fill my ears

And drip into my mind

Like a river running from earlobe

To earlobe.

I want to look up

And see the light

I want to be blinded by it

And let the chlorine burn into my iris.

I want my muscles to struggle

Just a little bit more

As my limbs move about

I want to bury my head under water

For just a second

And escape that reality floating above me.

And maybe

If I’m lucky –

When I do emerge from the pool

The water will have clogged my ears

So that I cannot hear you speaking clearly

So that your words are muffled

And your voice sounds different

& then, maybe

If I’m lucky

I’ll forget who you are

And what you did

And the past we had

And I’ll fall in love, again.

third eye blind - god of wine
the wallflowers - laughing out loud
gin blossoms - hey jealousy
stroke 9 - vacuum bag
wheatus - teenage dirtbag
fastball - out of my head
dishwalla - coral sky
black lab - keep myself awake

I feel like I'm walking around like a deer caught in headlights.

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. -- Albert Einstein

Hah. Feels life changing.

Daisies and the 90’s

She is the
Wavy black hair
Flannel shirt
Baggy jeans &
Black boots that
Is the 90’s.
The passenger seat of her car
Cradles compact discs
Like marbles in a tray
Everclear tickets line the mirror
In her bedroom
Her room with U2
And the Goo Goo Dolls
Taped above her bed
So it’s the last thing she sees at night.
She listens to Incubus’ “I Miss You”
On her lunch break.
She is
Our Lady Peace’s “I Loved You All Along”
Goo Goo Dolls “Iris”
Everclear’s “Amphetamine”
Semisonic’s “Secret Smile”
She is the classy
Pale chick
With a Marlboro cigarette
Always sticking on her
Maroon colored lipstick
She is the skinny girl
With childishly puffy cheeks
Cheeks always pink like cherries
She is what Bush never wanted
To “Comedown” from
She is Ingram Hill’s
“Almost Perfect”
She is the
Converse wearing chick
With romantic ideals
Coated in cynical bitterness.
She is crazy and neurotic
She is sexy and wild.
She is the ticklish girl
She eats honey for breakfast
And coffee is her desert
She knows how to dance.
Ballet. Tango. Tap.
Took lessons since she was 3.
She is the
Straight haired
Jennifer Aniston.
The wide eyed Felicity.
She is MTV’s biggest fan.
She loves Bill Clinton
And adores his affair
She paints at 4am
When everyone else is sleeping
She fell for the guy in the leather
The guy with the motorcycle
She fell for his crooked smile
And his wavy dark hair
Wavy like Ethan Hawke’s in Before Sunrise
Wavy like Leo’s in Titanic.
She fell for his sense of humor.
She fell for his 6 foot tall
Beefy frame
She fell into his dark brown eyes
She fell for his punk attitude
And the dirt beneath his fingernails
For his fly white boy dance
He bought her daisies for her birthday
She plucked its petals
One by one
Plucked them
As the strands of dyed purple hair
Fell from her head
She plucked them until she realized
With her tall glass of champagne
On New Years Eve night that
He loved her not.

Diet & Anthology Covers

The monthly is coming. At first. eating chicken/tuna/celery/carrots was making me feel good. But I predict this week will be null. I dont think I'll steer away from the diet, but I dont think I'll feel like it's working until the monthly passes. Also, my old boss was the sweetest this week and bought me a bag of candy corn (which she remembers is my favorite). So I have been munching on that. Yeeh.

On the book note - I have designed some covers for my poetry anthology but I cannot decide which to use! I enjoy them all.

September

Got promoted at work a few months ago, kinda. I got a title and a raise, but I was moved to Food avenue to its hard to see it as a promotion. Still - I'm in charge so it's nice. Work alone all day. Still single. And lacking in friends. Spending most of my time (like 8 hours a day!) working on my writing. I got a channel on youtube with some animated poetry and I'm working on my newest poetry anthology which is coming along nicely. Lastly I got my novel which is coming along the slowest. Only on chapter 5 out of 12. Also, today was day one of my Mother Daughter diet of eating only lean meat (tuna, chicken, salmon, turkey), vegetables (mostly carrots, celery, green beans, peas) and salad with the occasional snack of peanut butter with the celery or graham crackers. Relish sometimes for the tuna, and maybe some baby pickles. In one months we hope to drop ten pounds, before the retreat in November we hope to drop a dress size, our reward will be a nice hair cut.

June 09

Right now at work I'm fighting for hours. Most weeks I get scheduled 30, when I need AT LEAST 35, if not 40. I got trained in Deli, and there is talk or me getting promoted to Assistant Team Lead over Starbucks and Food Ave OR just being a starbucks trainer. IDK what will happen but I'm hoping and praying to be guaranteed full time hours.

May 09





So, my hours got cut at work and everyday I try to extend my shift as long as possible. IF i can mange to stay close to 40 hours per week, by the end of January (after tax returns) I should have Sallie Mae and NIU paid off. Then I can enroll at Harper. This is just so frustrating because ALL I WANT is to be in school, and everyone around me gets to be in school. I guess because they have parents to help them? I dunno. I'm just frustrated. Pray for me? I wanna go somewhere in life.

March/April

February.

This month I am the "Target Team Hero" (a.k.a. employee of the month). I got a plaque and everything. Awoohoo. Mostly, actually, only - I am glad I got it because its like winning the golden ticket for a new job. lol. My dream would have been to put in my two week notice when I was awarded; that way, the second half of the month the team hero wouldn't even be employed there anymore. hahaha.

Happy '09

Wow. Yeah, I havent updated in awhile. Basically - Kevin and I are NOT friends at all anymore. Travis and I are back together and things are going good. Were real patient and real with eachother - no games, no bullshit. I was planning on going to Texas for a few months to get my life in order but plans fell through - I'm still welcome to go but now it doesnt seem like it would help.

Um, looking back at '08... FUCK YEAH its OVER. I went through a hellish break-up...A terrible bullshit friendship falling apart, and lots of money issues. Aside from that, I got a UTI, and I've ended the year with 2+ straight weeks of a migraine, kidney/abdominal pains, and weight gain. Yeah, great way to start the new year. But I'm staying positive. I have Travis, I have a job, and I'm working on my novel.

More to come -- <33