On God:
This weekend I watched Titanic 4 times – once each day. I also saw “Flicka,” “Running with Scissors,” “The Guardian,” “Infamous,” and “Lucky Number Slevin.” So most of my weekend was actually dedicated to watching movies – this is what I do when I’m depressed.
Every night this week I have had nightmares/dreams about Dad. It’s made things hard. And this Saturday I realized something about my relationship with God. I won’t go into detail but here’s what I noticed, basically: I’m mad at God. I don’t blame him for the death of my Dad but I am mad at Him. You see, we prayed for years about my Dad and God still took him – why? What’s the point of praying if God doesn’t acknowledge what I ask Him? I’ve always been told that we pray to God so we can have a say – of sorts – as to what happens in our lives… or more so, the smaller events that happen but still fit into his overall plan. Well, I feel like He ignored my prayers and looking back at the year (since last march) I can admit that I have BARELY prayed at all. I think the reason for that is because I don’t trust God like I used to – I feel like prayer is pointless. Deep down I know this isn’t true but…I cant seem to get around it. Maybe I’m feeling so down because its almost been a full year…I don’t know, but that’s where I’m at.
Every night this week I have had nightmares/dreams about Dad. It’s made things hard. And this Saturday I realized something about my relationship with God. I won’t go into detail but here’s what I noticed, basically: I’m mad at God. I don’t blame him for the death of my Dad but I am mad at Him. You see, we prayed for years about my Dad and God still took him – why? What’s the point of praying if God doesn’t acknowledge what I ask Him? I’ve always been told that we pray to God so we can have a say – of sorts – as to what happens in our lives… or more so, the smaller events that happen but still fit into his overall plan. Well, I feel like He ignored my prayers and looking back at the year (since last march) I can admit that I have BARELY prayed at all. I think the reason for that is because I don’t trust God like I used to – I feel like prayer is pointless. Deep down I know this isn’t true but…I cant seem to get around it. Maybe I’m feeling so down because its almost been a full year…I don’t know, but that’s where I’m at.
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