On God:

This weekend I watched Titanic 4 times – once each day. I also saw “Flicka,” “Running with Scissors,” “The Guardian,” “Infamous,” and “Lucky Number Slevin.” So most of my weekend was actually dedicated to watching movies – this is what I do when I’m depressed.

Every night this week I have had nightmares/dreams about Dad. It’s made things hard. And this Saturday I realized something about my relationship with God. I won’t go into detail but here’s what I noticed, basically: I’m mad at God. I don’t blame him for the death of my Dad but I am mad at Him. You see, we prayed for years about my Dad and God still took him – why? What’s the point of praying if God doesn’t acknowledge what I ask Him? I’ve always been told that we pray to God so we can have a say – of sorts – as to what happens in our lives… or more so, the smaller events that happen but still fit into his overall plan. Well, I feel like He ignored my prayers and looking back at the year (since last march) I can admit that I have BARELY prayed at all. I think the reason for that is because I don’t trust God like I used to – I feel like prayer is pointless. Deep down I know this isn’t true but…I cant seem to get around it. Maybe I’m feeling so down because its almost been a full year…I don’t know, but that’s where I’m at.

Get me the Energy Drink

Today has been a very long day for me. I had trouble sleeping last night and brilliantly thought: "I might as well shower tonight then, since I cant sleep." but that kept me up a few extra hours. I'd say I got about 4 hours of shut eye. But you see, every other day this week I had the luxury of late start (got up at 7:30 and at school by 9:00) but today I had to get up by 6:00 and be at school by 7:00. First block I went around the school with one of the athletes [a special ed student in my PE class -we call them athletes and they call us partners-] and posted up 40 posters for the Amy Rudolph Tournament. That was actually better than coaching in gym, I think, because my throat is sore and yelling at them to "keep guarding" or "be open!" is hard on the vocals. Haha. So first block wasnt bad. Statistics was fine, and chemistry and survey were tolerable. Even in my lunch hour, though, I had to make up a test from Tuesday and in my passing period between 2nd and 3rd I had to make up a quiz. So I mean, really, my day was fully packed.

I came home immediately after school (got home at 2:5o) and left at 3:15 to go to the library and do my volunteer work. That wasn't too bad. They just had me stacking DVD's (sorting them by genre and then alphabetically) and then I stamped date cards. Enthralling, I know. But everyone was really nice. Heh, you'd be surprised how much I manage to mess up in such seemingly simple tasks. [Its like sharpening a pencil, I just cant seem to do it right!]. Let's just say...the DVD's are put into clear cases and locked. I put them in the cases but I kinda forgot the next step before shelving them. >_> But yeah, that's all I'll say about that.

So I got home by 5:40 and began my homework. I completed one essay for english by 6:30 and a second essay for english by 7:35. Now, in exhaustion, I decided to skip my chemistry and statistics. I figure I'll do the statisitcs Monday since I dont have that class again until Wednesday! and I'll do the chemistry sometime during tomorrow.. Er, yeah. And I'll do whatever senior survey homework I have during survey.

All that to simply say, its been a long day!

I am sick.

On Sunday after church my throat started to hurt - did I sing too loud??? I dont know why, but when I got home my throat was hurting all night. Monday at school my nose was just running and it was awful, so on Tuesday I stayed home. Lots of schools around here got a snow day so I dont think school should have even been happening. Anyway, Im getting ready for school now and I just thought I'd post about how miserable I feel. Lol. Actually its just my head - lots of pressure. Like in "You've Got Mail." ... "My head feels fuzzyyy..." Lol. Okay, well there isnt really a point to this post so I'm going to end it now.

Oh high school..

Last night we went to The Union to see Anathollo. We picked up the Hadj and took off. A band from Canada, Red Umbrella, was the opening performance and they were pretty great. They covered a U2 song and the singer actually sounded really good doing it - so that was good. And of course Anathollo was awesome. Their whole performance just reminds me of something straight out of "Dead Poets Society." I don’t know if their best qualities could get across if heard on a CD because I first heard them at Cornerstone and listening to the CD just doesn’t feel the same. Given, they sound great on CD, just better in concert. Lol, anyways!

So this morning we did a service project with Ecclesia. Unfortunately we were late but it was still good - we were packaging boxes of food for people who need the help - good times. I don’t really know what the point of this update is beyond the fact that I am bored. I haven’t watched TV much at all in a little over a month and I haven’t played the Sims since winter break so I feel like there is not much to do except write and read while listening to music. haha.

Oh, I thought of something to update on; my school. Haha. Starting this week students will have to pay a $50 fine for truancies - I heard its actually $50 per class - so if you ditch a full day you have to pay $200. I don’t really see how they can do that but if they can, I don’t think it should apply to 16+. Its not a law for people over the age of 16 to attend school so technically it shouldn’t be illegal for them not to go. I’ve never been truant - but still. Also, next year the students will have to wear their ID's around their neck around a chain provided by the school that has a detachable hook so hall monitors can grab IDs as they please. This doesn’t sound like the worst idea accept that in my mind, students will feel much more of a need to rebel and it takes away from their identity, I think. I mean, its like giving students a number and treating them like nothing more than just that. ALSO, starting now we have to have passes for everywhere we go! Throughout all of high school they have never been strict about passes - even while in study hall we will have to actually bring all of our books with because they don’t intend to allow us to go to our lockers. -_- Seminar is supposed to be the privilege study hall for people with decent grades. Now, they're basically taking those rights away too. I'm just so relieved that I am graduating soon. Haha.

Bored in Math Class - Emo Gnome

Well, Im in math right now and I just finished taking a test. I failed! lol. I didnt feel like doing it and I didnt study. haha. Im so tired! I didnt fall asleep until sometime around 3:30 - the last time I looked at the clock it was 3:36 a.m. Sooo Im real tired! Yup. Anyway, this friday we are going to an Anathollo concert and then saturday morning there is small group which actually might just be volunteer work that we do together. After small group I muight hang out with Jill - then Sunday night is Ecclesia. NEXT WEEK I am hanging out with Chrissie Friday night, going to small group Saturday morning, hanging out with Theo later that day, and Ecclesia that Sunday - then no school monday! Woot woot! Isnt all this just the most enthralling information ever! Im so bored. Just listening to music. OH! I found so much new music lately. "Making April," "Last Winter," "Scary Kids Scaring Kids, "Therefore I am," "Four Letter Lie," etc etc! Very exciting. As all know, new music is amazing. Of course... with this new music I have also taken on the persona of an emo - apparantly. Not even kidding, Ive been called an emo by SO many people lately. Is it the hair cut? Because I wear a black hoodie? My Music? I DONT KNOW! But emo is a derogatory term implying that someone is being sad all the time and trying to get attention for a bad life they wish they had. That is not me! I have no problem with Emos - I love them - but people call someone emo in a bad way... its not like its a compliment. So thats my story...

TO SNAPE

Okay - I need to say this. After I finished the sixth Harry Potter book I was so infuriated because I trust/ed Snape. Everyone around me insisted that Snape WAS bad and that it did indeed fit into his character but I still do not agree. I just found out today that there is a huge following of people who also believe snape is good. Apparantly its a major controversy - many believe Snape's character will actually be shown in true colors in the seventh book; shown as good. This controvery extends so far that anyone who pre-orders the seventh book ($65 for Deluxe Edition) will receive a sticker that either says "Snape is good" or "Snape is bad." Crystal wants the "Snape is bad" and obviously I want the "Snape is good" one. So, to show my support for Snape - I make this post and show my support. Cheers - to Severus Snape.