Monday, July 17, 2006

“All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another." --- Anatole France

This entire weekend has been dedicated to Jason and Heidi’s departure. Friday night we helped plan for the goodbye party, Saturday we attended the party and went to the last Ro0ts ever, and Sunday we watched mournfully as others said goodbye to our beloved friends. It’s really hard to even think of saying goodbye to them as they have not only been our youth leaders, but also mentors, friends, and parents. To say goodbye to them feels like saying goodbye to a part of my life that has upheld itself on a pedestal for nearly four years. Ro0ts, in my mind, has always been the ideal place to be and with their leaving, Ro0ts leave also. It is the end of an age or the breaking of the fellowship. In just a few weeks Erik and Charisse will be leaving also – the golden age of Ro0ts is most assuredly over. Thankfully I can say I’ve made friends with the people or Ro0ts (most recently Dan) and am growing in friendship with Erik. It’s hard to watch change and know that there is nothing we can do to pause it or at least slow it down. The idea that we must die to one life to enter a new chapter of our lives is interesting but most depressing. To leave Ro0ts in the past seems wrong. I don't know how everyone else feels but for me Ro0ts is something that will have to live strong in my heart forever. It may make things harder for awhile, not wanting to let go, but in the long run I believe it will be best. It reminds me of ‘Titanic.’ At the end of the movie Rose says as an old lady that she’d never spoken of Jack to anyone until that point. “A woman’s heart is a deep ocean of secrets…” I think that’s just it – she never spoke of it to anyone but he lives strong in her heart – only existing in her memories. He was the most precious person to her and to never speak of him must have been hard. That, I imagine, is what Ro0ts will be for awhile – until we all meet again. It will be a chapter of our lives that holds incredible impact but in time will be buried beneath new things. Change for sure is a melancholy thing as saying goodbye to Jason and Heidi is a very bitter sweet circumstance. They are living out what most only talk about but at the same time we will miss them a lot. Whether or not a new youth group is started or if we all continue to get together every once and a while, the consistent meetings are gone and the time has come for us to depart our ways. Winter Camp, New York, Chicago, Summer of Love, Texas, Mission Radiance, Common Ground, Stink Bomb, Froot Loops and so much more… How to let that lie in the past seems an improbable thing to attempt. Rather, I will hold onto the hope of one day feeling that same unification as we had at Ro0ts. To one day walk back into Ro0ts with everyone there, as Rose walked back into the Titanic at the end of the film and saw everyone around her on the ship – finally reuniting with Jack. One day, whether it is on earth in 5 years or mars in 20 years, or heaven when we die, I hold onto the hope of being in Ro0ts yet again.

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