May 09





So, my hours got cut at work and everyday I try to extend my shift as long as possible. IF i can mange to stay close to 40 hours per week, by the end of January (after tax returns) I should have Sallie Mae and NIU paid off. Then I can enroll at Harper. This is just so frustrating because ALL I WANT is to be in school, and everyone around me gets to be in school. I guess because they have parents to help them? I dunno. I'm just frustrated. Pray for me? I wanna go somewhere in life.

March/April

February.

This month I am the "Target Team Hero" (a.k.a. employee of the month). I got a plaque and everything. Awoohoo. Mostly, actually, only - I am glad I got it because its like winning the golden ticket for a new job. lol. My dream would have been to put in my two week notice when I was awarded; that way, the second half of the month the team hero wouldn't even be employed there anymore. hahaha.

Happy '09

Wow. Yeah, I havent updated in awhile. Basically - Kevin and I are NOT friends at all anymore. Travis and I are back together and things are going good. Were real patient and real with eachother - no games, no bullshit. I was planning on going to Texas for a few months to get my life in order but plans fell through - I'm still welcome to go but now it doesnt seem like it would help.

Um, looking back at '08... FUCK YEAH its OVER. I went through a hellish break-up...A terrible bullshit friendship falling apart, and lots of money issues. Aside from that, I got a UTI, and I've ended the year with 2+ straight weeks of a migraine, kidney/abdominal pains, and weight gain. Yeah, great way to start the new year. But I'm staying positive. I have Travis, I have a job, and I'm working on my novel.

More to come -- <33

Summer 08

HAIRRR

SO ANGRY

NEW EARRINGS

PICTURES

IN THE MIDDLE OF A LONG TALK

I'm Giving Up and Starting Over (dont expect it to be pretty)

I dont know what to do anymore. When I came back from NIU I thought I was doing the right thing - not to mention I couldnt pay them anyway to stay... I thought I had friends waiting here for me and I planned to get a job and my license and a car and to get right back in school. I started off good. My friends were totally here for me, I did get my license and a car and a job. Now, I'm miserable, friendless, and broke. I have NO money to get back to school anytime soon and I cant get any grants or loans... My new supervisor at work is looking to get me fired. I rear ended some foreigner yesterday because she slammed on her breaks in the middle of a green arrow - I didn't expect it... My best friend (Kami) moved, by very close friend (Kevin) broke my heart and recently told me never to talk to him again (because I'm having trouble getting over him WITH GOOD REASON), and I mean.. I just feel totally useless and worthless and like nothing I do makes a difference. My spirit has been broken. The fight in me is gone. The battles I once would have chosen to fight will be dead to me now. Not to sound all emo and what not but really - In one year I transformed into this talkative, spunky, confident person but I am completely ready to revert back to my shy, quiet self because this sucks. I hate this, I hate that everyone hates me, and I hate that I'm vulnerably honest with some people and they throw it in my face... I dont know what to do. I just want to get back to school. I want to write my novels. I want to move on but I CANT! I CANT MOVE ON. And it's so freaking frustrating. I feel stuck. I feel left behind because everyone can just go to school and go hang out with friends. :/

AT DENNY'S AFTER KAMI's CAR GOT TOWED!!!!


AT BOB EVANS IN JOLIET. FUN DRIVE. :P lol

I DONT PAY ATTENTION WHEN I DRIVE LOL


KAMI AND I AT HUNGRY? RESTAURANT


INSPIRATION FOR THE TATTOO CRYSTAL AND I ARE GETTING

Feverish Birthday Dreams

I thought I was in a garden
Down trodden in the dirt
Trees hovering over me
& worms beneath my shirt
But I awoke to something different
Yes, the birds were chirping in the trees
But they were outside my window
And I was laying in my bed

Well I thought I was driving in a car
Turning on a mountain bend
Listening to loud music
And I think that it was raining
The car it took the turn too fast
And off the cliff we both went
Into the river we did sink
But I awoke to something different
I was standing in my shower
The water burning my back
Shampoo suds in my eyes
And I think that I was singing
Cause my mouth was really dry

Well I thought I saw you at the table
Looking through a high school yearbook
Sitting there with all your friends
But I could not believe you
I just could not pretend
Cause you are not alive anymore
And the backyard left when we sold the house
So I knew that this was all pretend
When I awoke I was not surprised
You were still gone
I was still in bed
The clock had barely changed
But now I cant sleep
I will stay awake
The night before my birthday
And I wont mistake
Reality for dreams
Because you are gone.

Wow have I changed! LOL

This is me and the guy im currently dating, Chris.

This is me & my older sister Michelle! Love this girl!

Lately; Me

Money - yeah, its been tight.
I started paying NIU $200 each month...
And I pay $100 each month to my credit card.
I'm saving up for a car. (2005 Pontiac Sunfire!!)
And for community college (Harper...)
So I have NO money to spare.
Each month I make about $900 after taxes.
Minus 200 to NIU.
Minus 100 to credit card.
Minus 300 in March for Texas.
And minus 50 in May for Acen.
And I have a long way to go before I get a car.
And before i get back to school..
Even if I dont get the $5000 Pontiac Sunfire -
It'll be a while before I save enough for any car.
Grrrrr!

I got the job at Target! :]
I will be working stockroom.
Orientation is probably next Tuesday.
In the meantime, I listen to THIS song.



ADDICTED - KELLY CLARKSON