I am sick.

On Sunday after church my throat started to hurt - did I sing too loud??? I dont know why, but when I got home my throat was hurting all night. Monday at school my nose was just running and it was awful, so on Tuesday I stayed home. Lots of schools around here got a snow day so I dont think school should have even been happening. Anyway, Im getting ready for school now and I just thought I'd post about how miserable I feel. Lol. Actually its just my head - lots of pressure. Like in "You've Got Mail." ... "My head feels fuzzyyy..." Lol. Okay, well there isnt really a point to this post so I'm going to end it now.

Oh high school..

Last night we went to The Union to see Anathollo. We picked up the Hadj and took off. A band from Canada, Red Umbrella, was the opening performance and they were pretty great. They covered a U2 song and the singer actually sounded really good doing it - so that was good. And of course Anathollo was awesome. Their whole performance just reminds me of something straight out of "Dead Poets Society." I don’t know if their best qualities could get across if heard on a CD because I first heard them at Cornerstone and listening to the CD just doesn’t feel the same. Given, they sound great on CD, just better in concert. Lol, anyways!

So this morning we did a service project with Ecclesia. Unfortunately we were late but it was still good - we were packaging boxes of food for people who need the help - good times. I don’t really know what the point of this update is beyond the fact that I am bored. I haven’t watched TV much at all in a little over a month and I haven’t played the Sims since winter break so I feel like there is not much to do except write and read while listening to music. haha.

Oh, I thought of something to update on; my school. Haha. Starting this week students will have to pay a $50 fine for truancies - I heard its actually $50 per class - so if you ditch a full day you have to pay $200. I don’t really see how they can do that but if they can, I don’t think it should apply to 16+. Its not a law for people over the age of 16 to attend school so technically it shouldn’t be illegal for them not to go. I’ve never been truant - but still. Also, next year the students will have to wear their ID's around their neck around a chain provided by the school that has a detachable hook so hall monitors can grab IDs as they please. This doesn’t sound like the worst idea accept that in my mind, students will feel much more of a need to rebel and it takes away from their identity, I think. I mean, its like giving students a number and treating them like nothing more than just that. ALSO, starting now we have to have passes for everywhere we go! Throughout all of high school they have never been strict about passes - even while in study hall we will have to actually bring all of our books with because they don’t intend to allow us to go to our lockers. -_- Seminar is supposed to be the privilege study hall for people with decent grades. Now, they're basically taking those rights away too. I'm just so relieved that I am graduating soon. Haha.

Bored in Math Class - Emo Gnome

Well, Im in math right now and I just finished taking a test. I failed! lol. I didnt feel like doing it and I didnt study. haha. Im so tired! I didnt fall asleep until sometime around 3:30 - the last time I looked at the clock it was 3:36 a.m. Sooo Im real tired! Yup. Anyway, this friday we are going to an Anathollo concert and then saturday morning there is small group which actually might just be volunteer work that we do together. After small group I muight hang out with Jill - then Sunday night is Ecclesia. NEXT WEEK I am hanging out with Chrissie Friday night, going to small group Saturday morning, hanging out with Theo later that day, and Ecclesia that Sunday - then no school monday! Woot woot! Isnt all this just the most enthralling information ever! Im so bored. Just listening to music. OH! I found so much new music lately. "Making April," "Last Winter," "Scary Kids Scaring Kids, "Therefore I am," "Four Letter Lie," etc etc! Very exciting. As all know, new music is amazing. Of course... with this new music I have also taken on the persona of an emo - apparantly. Not even kidding, Ive been called an emo by SO many people lately. Is it the hair cut? Because I wear a black hoodie? My Music? I DONT KNOW! But emo is a derogatory term implying that someone is being sad all the time and trying to get attention for a bad life they wish they had. That is not me! I have no problem with Emos - I love them - but people call someone emo in a bad way... its not like its a compliment. So thats my story...

TO SNAPE

Okay - I need to say this. After I finished the sixth Harry Potter book I was so infuriated because I trust/ed Snape. Everyone around me insisted that Snape WAS bad and that it did indeed fit into his character but I still do not agree. I just found out today that there is a huge following of people who also believe snape is good. Apparantly its a major controversy - many believe Snape's character will actually be shown in true colors in the seventh book; shown as good. This controvery extends so far that anyone who pre-orders the seventh book ($65 for Deluxe Edition) will receive a sticker that either says "Snape is good" or "Snape is bad." Crystal wants the "Snape is bad" and obviously I want the "Snape is good" one. So, to show my support for Snape - I make this post and show my support. Cheers - to Severus Snape.

ME

So these are some pictures from after finals at the end of last week. They show my new haircut!!! The reason I havent really posted any pictures lately is because I thought my camera was broken. You see, it would not turn on and I tried charging the batteries and hitting the camera but nothing worked. Finally, as a last effort, I inserted some regular batteries and it turns on. Now, sometimes I have to give it a good whack (perhaps to knock something into place) to get it to turn on but it works and thats all that matters. All that being said, here are a few pictures!

ECCELSIA:

And here are a few pictures of Ecclesia. This is obviously before everyone arrived but this is the typical setup of our church. The study we're going right now is called "You asked for it!" and it addresses some hard questions that the congregation asked for. We've covered homosexuality and suffering.

"brief" updating

Hm, its been a while since I updated so here goes: No more nightmares. I decided to just take a long nap after school (2-3 hours) so that way I can stay up until 12 or 1 am at which point I can fall asleep fine without any nightmares. haha, I'm being the system! Uhm, as for college I’ve basically decided to go to NIU. Monmouth I think is just too small and too far - not really worth it because I cant imagine the experience being much more than high school. Im still waiting to hear back from IWU which used to be the school I wanted to go to but now I'm thinking its not for me. I'd be paying twice as much for that school and for what? The experience? Im sorry.. I cant bring myself to may an extra $17000 for an experience. Just not gonna happen. Hehe.

What else is new? My classes changed this week. Now I have Partners PE, AP English and Trig (same as before), Chemistry, and Senior Survey. Uhm, yeah all my teachers are female except my PE teacher.. Its not bad per say.. just...different. Haha. The homework so far in manageable but I attribute that to the fact that we're currently in-between novels in AP Lit so my workload isn’t too bad. With my free time I had made it a point to attend writing club and hang out with friends.

Friends, what friends? Well, last weekend I hung out with Theo. Anyone remember him? Lol, yeah I slept over at his house. And this Friday I am supposed to hang out with my friend Chrissie. AND sometime soon I am supposed to sleep over at my friend, Shefali's, house. So I've really been working on building my relationships and committing to being there for people - as well as allowing people to be there for me. In doing this I can say with confidence that I've made mistakes. Things that I'll undoubtedly regret in a few weeks, months, or years but nothing major! Lol.. that sounded really serious! heh.

Hm. Church. It is going good. I love Ecclesia and we've been meeting some pretty awesome people. Still, I feel at least a little disconnected because of my age (I'm 17 and the majority of the congregation is in the mid-twenties) but that’s a small thing and just a gap to be bridged. [bridged?] The small group is also going good. I still find it pretty awkward when we separate to pray together but I'm working on it and the group seems to haev awesome intentions.

One major thing that is taking place is the issues surrounding H2O Club. We want to hold a Praise Night at the end of the year, like last year, and we wanted to hold it in the Auditorium rather than holding it in the band room. We also wanted to fund-raise this year, put up posters so people could actually know the club existed, and just BE a club. We’ve had many meetings with our schools club advisor but each of us (us leaders) has been given a different story. Right now, its down to finding out if our school is federally funded because if we are they are breaking a lot of laws [particularly the Equal Access Act]. But many people I’ve talked to have said despite the commonly held belief that we’re a public school and therefore MUST be federally funded, we are not. I’ve been told that we turned down federal funding last year so as not to be required to start the GSA [Gay Straight Alliance]. 8-O. How they can get away with that...I don’t know...but that’s what the higher-ups have been saying. Recently, they took down our poster (we can only post one poster in the main hallway) and they deleted our clubs website from the school site… even though the link to the H2O Club website has been there for years just we decided to actually update the page and that’s when they deleted it. I don’t know what’s going on and evidently nobody does. Within the next few weeks, all 4 leaders and our club sponsor are going to meet with the club advisor and try to figure out what’s going on. Argh. I’m a bit perturbed. So that’s what’s going as far as H2O goes…

Any questions??? Haha.

Actually, on New Years Eve....

Okay, so first post of the year 07! Woot. True story. On New Years Eve I, along with Crystal and Erik, went downtown to watch the fireworks at Buckingham Fountain. It was real sweet. I complained a lot at first: "Aww, we shouldnt have come.. its too cold, its too windy. wah wah" but it ended up being real fun. So I didnt get home until 4:30 am and then I got up at like 12:30 to do homework which, consequently, hasnt even been checked yet for a grade. Oh well. Otherwise nothing fun has really happened. I've slept probably 10 hours since Monday night so I'm exhausted but I cant sleep. On Tuesday and Wednesday night I had the same nightmare (not fun) so lets just hope I dont have it AGAIN tonight. Welp, thats all.

New Years
Hey all. Happy new year. Thank God this year is over, right? Well, I didnt really do anything over my winter break. I go back to school on Tuesday and I have a crap load of homework to do tomorrow. Tonight I have no plans - we cant think of what we can do for New Years Eve so we are just going to sit at home; enthralling, huh? Well, I made a College Wishlist at Amazon.com of things I need/want for my dorm.

http://www.amazon.com/gp/registry/wishlist/2MSM3EF46LS5W/
If you go to the drop down menu that says 'date added' change it to the priority one because thats in order of what I need and then what I want. :-P

Anyway, thats all for now.

CORNERSTONE 2007!!!

underOATH
Relient K
Switchfoot
David Crowder Band
Flyleaf
Emery
Skillet
Pillar
Anberlin
The Almost
Disciple
The Chariot
Leeland
Family Force 5
The Wedding
Kids in the Way
House of Heroes
Nevertheless
The Crossing
Glenn Kaiser Band
Friday Mourning
Edison Glass
Future of Forestry
Dizmas
Lost Ocean
Crimson Moonlight
The Satire
Inevitable End
Mumsdollar
Deas Vail
Mark Lee Townsend
The Wiitala Brothers
Cool Hand Luke
The Myriad
El Death
Flatfoot 56
The Lost Dogs
The Violet Burning
Eric James & The New Century
The Last Hope
xDEATHSTARx
Seventh Star
Inked In Blood
War of Ages
xLOOKING FORWARDx
Alove For Enemies
Raised By Wolves
FBS
Our Corpse Destroyed
MeansSivan
Spitfire
The Handshake Murders
Maron
With Faith Or Flames
The Gospel is a Grenade
The Blue Letter
Roe vs. Pritzl
Michael Roe
Civilian
theHOPEsymphony
Michael Pritzl

5 months and 29 days until Cornerstone!!!
I CANT WAIT!!!

Ode to Winter Break

Well today is the first official day of winter break. I got up at 9:30 and now I dont know what to do. I plan to read the bible every day during the break (though I'm not entirely sure what I'm going to read) but I am set on doing it. Also I am going to be reading through "No Perfect People Allowed." We just did a study at Ecclesia called 'No Perfect People' and it was about how people in the bible weren't perfect and we shouldn't be trying to live up to this expectation of perfection that we or society has set for us. They got the idea from this book which is written by post-modernists so I'm going to read it for more information. I am also reading a book called "Uglies" which was recommended by Stephenie Meyer (she wrote 'Twilight" and "New Moon" and I LOVE those books). Uglies is about a place where people are made beautiful at the age of 16 but until then they are ugly. They even separate the uglies from the pretties by separate towns, so it's real interesting so far. As of yet it does not compare to "Twilight" which is about vampires but it's still been a good read so far. Actually, I'm just glad to be reading again because basically all the books I've read in the last many months have been for school.

So, I'm in love with this band called "Red Jumpsuit Apparatus." My friend, Chrissie, introduced me to them and I cant stop listening, they're addictive. This song called "Your Guardian Angel" is amazing because the song seems to coincide with "Twilight" Anyway, that's the soundtrack I've been listening most to lately. I'm sure all this useless information is enthralling.

So in small group we all made a covenant about something we wanted to work on. I said I wanted to work on being better at socializing and valuing my relationships with people because that is something I've never been good at and community is something the bible stresses as very important. We made the covenant over two months ago and I realized last week that I haven’t don’t much of anything to work at it. I noticed my lack of effort when I realized that the opposite has sort of happened - I've lost or found that many of my friendships are weakened. I don’t know why, for many different reasons I guess but it's still a fact. I don't hang out with people anymore and, I suppose, that's why I have time to actually read for pleasure. It’s been great to have some time but I also know that I need friends right now. I need people to talk to, especially right now as it's Hanukah and as Christmas approaches. It is really easy for me, and Crystal, to fall into depression and a friends accountability probably wouldn't hurt, but it's not there for me.

So, that’s really I have to say for now. Oh, and also that I got into Roosevelt University. And I got a 24 on my ACT – I wanted a 26 so I’m disappointed but whatev, it is what it is.

snow day

WOOH! We have a snow day! Its the first snow day in 12 years! (According to my friend)!!! I cant believe it! I got up and was ready to walk out the door when I checked one last time to see if we had school and we dont! THIS IS AMAZING! I dont know what to do with this time now.. Of course I have quite a bit of homework and I should do some bible reading BUT STILL, I have the whole day to catch up and get ahead on homework. And just relax. Incredible.

I wish there was a better word to describe this feeling.

GNOME diaries

http://www.lulu.com/eyelinedplane

College Stuff

Hey, its been a month since I last updated. Sorry. Partly because I've been busy and partly because I just dont know what to write. So whats new: I've been applying to colleges and writing essays and doing campus visits and going to church & small group and doing that whole school thing plus clubs on tuesday and thursday and blah blah! Last Saturday, the 30th, I went to NIU for a campus visit. It was nice - I had an interview with an admissions councelor and he basically told me I'd have no trouble getting accepted. Comforting but also dissapointing because I want to attend a competative school, so NIU remains a backup. Also, I've sort of had second thoughts about Wheaton, North Central, Roosevelt, and Elmhurst. Haha. I dont know if I want to go to Wheaton because its a Christian school and I'm not sure that I want to be surrounded by fellow believers. I mean, I love fellowship but at the same time I feel like I'd be putting myself in a quaint little bubble if I were to go there - I dont think its what God is calling me to do BUT I am most likely still going to apply there in case Im not hearing God correctly. Then there's Elmhurst; they offer all the classes I want but they're only 25 minutes away. That is really anti climatic I think, it's basically a community college and I'd rather go to NIU than them. North Central is a good school but again, I'm not sure that it has the distance that I'm looking for. (Given, NIU is only an hour away). Also, from what I've heard, North Central doesnt have the best english program (not that its bad, they're just not known for it). Finally, Roosevelt. I thought they offered all the courses that I'm interesting in but it turns out they dont. All they offer are the english classes - and I dont think thats enough for me to live in Chicago. Then again, I dont know! As I'm sure you've realized, I just dont know. My top choice is Illinois Wesleyan but they are really hard to get into so I dont think I have much of a chance. Then there is Monmouth College which is about 3.5 hours away (located in bufu) but 17% major in english so it may be a really good place for me to start.

Otherwise, church is going good. We attend a small group on Saturday mornings and church service on Sunday evenings. It's nice - though opposite our former schedule of Ro0ts on Saturday night and church on Sunday morning. Anyway, its going good. We're making some good friends there and they are mostly all out of college so they are really helpful to me right now. Michelle (a girl from small group, also an english teacher) offered to look over my college essays. Also, Jenna (one of the girls at small group) offered to take me driving!! So things are going well - I'm pleased. Right now we are going through the book of Acts which is hard but at the same time it's good for me because I dont understand a lot of whats in Acts. But enough said, I have a lot of work to do on this day off. (thankyou Canada for Columbus Day!)

L ! F E

Alright, I'm just going to throw this out there - the value of human life has decreased and I'm just not starting to realize how much. With debates about euthanasia arising more and more each year and along with that doctor assisted suicides. When is it ever okay to help someone die? That is murder - and realize that even in places where doctor assisted suicide is legal, if they are ever accused of abusing their power they are tried for murder. Another thing is that there is a line in the oath that all doctors swear to follow when they become doctors that says they will, by no means, ever help a patient to die. Doesn't euthanasia and doctor assisted suicide go against that very oath? Here, is it very obvious that the value of human life is small. Argue that it is ending their suffering - fine - but keep in mind that they're suffering wouldn't have been prolonged if we didn't keep them alive.

Another easy way to see the de-valuization [not a real word] of humanity is in new cases of suicidal college students being kicked out of school. A recent news article brought to attention the issue of suicide and the pandemic that is has over colleges. The article, written by David B. Caruso, stated that attempted suicides in college settings have been isolated as being unacceptable student behavior. Caruso seems to be aiming the article toward an audience of college student, concerned parents, or possibly even college faculty. At Hunter College a nineteen-year-old girl attempted suicide by taking excessive amounts of Tylenol. Fortunately she was able to call for help in time to save herself but when she came back to campus and went to her dorm, the lock had been changed and she was forced to leave school – she was expelled.

And then there is suicide bombings. It seems to me like the value of human life in that part of the globe is so miniscule that is barely exists anymore. This is just sad - human life is huge, it's extreme, it's exhilarating and to minimize that to what it's become cannot be right. I think our world is in desperate need of a reminder of the value of life. Scientists say that our existence is just a FREAK occurrence of the cosmos (if that were true, are humans just going to waste away the small blip they have in the years of earths life?)

As for Christians or really any believer in the hereafter, why waste away? The Bible says that in the end, the earth will be renewed. As Rob Bell put it in his book Velvet Elvis: "And God isn’t just interested in reclaiming his original dream for creation; he wants to take it further. Imagine if you took all the sin and death our of the Bible. You would be left with a short book. It would have four chapters to be exact: Genesis 1 and 2; Revelation 21 and 22. In Genesis 1 and 2 we are told of a garden, but in Revelation 21 and 22, we are told of a city. A city is more advanced, more complicated than a garden. If a garden is developed and managed and cared for, it is eventually going to turn into a city. If there was no sin or death, creation would still move forward because God doesn't just want to reclaim things; God wants to see them move forward." (Bell 161). So the earth is our home even after the fact; He will make things good.

And Then I Turned Seven

Alright, so it's been a bit since I updated - sorry about that. I have been in school for a week and a half so here is what's been happening. I started Weight Training and Trig. and H2O club is officially begun. Weight Training is hard - we are going to work up to running a mile a day and then we'll be lifting weights for the last hour. After the first day of this my muscles were killing me. haha. But it'll be for getting in shape! Okay, and Trig. is alright. Of course it's boring and really it's just taking advanced steps for geometry but because I have it every other day I can't keep things fresh in my mind. But for the most part, both classes are fine.

Now, as for H2O. As I said a few times I wasn't sure if I wannted to lead again; last Sunday the leaders met at Caribou Coffee to discuss the game plan for the year. I guess we'll be separating into three groups again (each of the leaders leading one group - I'm leading prayer group). When I started to tell them that I thought they should lead more this year they said 'Noo. You're the only senior - you're like the elder of a church!' So I didn't quite know how to say "I dont care, I quit!" That being said, I am still a leader. I hope things go more smooth this year - I have a lot of plans for the Prayer Group. I think I'm going to take a lot of stuff from "Velvet Elvis" and different things we've done in Ro0ts and Froot Loops (especially the prayer study that Heidi led for us) and just do my best.

As for things with Ma', well things are not going well. We fight almost constantly - I can not stand her. I think one of the worst things is that her being around prevents me from reading the bible. Don't get me wrong - I know that it's MY choice to read and nothing she does or says can really stop me - but lately it's been like right when I'm about to go read it, she says something (anything) that throws me into a fit of anger and then it's like I don't have the mentality to even look at my bible. Perhaps that can be due to guilt - I swear at my Mom a lot now and I'm sure, in some way, that factors into my not wanting to read. But the thing is, she is really hard to live with. She doesnt do anything for us that Mom's are supposed to and she is the polar opposite of Dad. He loved us unconditionally and she hates us unconditionally. He would do everything for us and she wont do anything for us. Like, on Friday, Crystal's car was acting up and she didn't want to drive it until she got it checked out. She asked Ma' to drive her to work and she said she would but when Mom realized that it meant she'd have to pick Crystal up too [during rush hour] she wouldn't do it. Crystal said "Okay, so what if my car stalls in the intersection and I die?" And Mom said, "That's not my problem!" Like, WHAT IS THAT?! So things are not going well with her.

On that note, I didn't go to school on Friday. Thursday night I had a dream that I got a small hole in my hand (like actually a hole through my hand, so I could see through it). And I went to Heidi and she advised me to go tell my Dad and so I went to but he wasnt there so I went to Mom and she was like "Call Crystal, I'm not taking you to the hospital!" so I called Crystal but she was at work. I woke up Friday at 4:45 a.m. and was just crying because it's such a testament to how my Ma is (as I was saying above). But I got all ready and we were about to leave when Crystals car started acting up. I just slept the whole day though. But yeah, things are getting hard. I mean, especially now with school because I'm back in that normal routine but he's still missing. I guess it's hard to explain but starting school made it harder to deal with.

So anyway, last night we went to a concert. How we found out about this concert was pretty interesting: we were at Woodfield Mall buying stationary when these two guys stopped us and said "Okay, can we ask you a question. Dont think we're creeps. Uhm, were in a band and our tour bus broke down and we were jsut wondering if you wanted to buy our CD. It's $5" And we were going to but Crystal only had a twenty dollar bill so we went to the store to buy the stationary (they came with) and we gave them the change from the purchase. Then they told us about their show that night and yeah. It was comprised of small bands (not well known) but they were all good. Some bands that were there: "And Then I Turned Seven," "Camry," "The Skies We Built" and "1997." We took Jill with and it was fun but everyone started at us like outsiders - probably because we were three of a few people who weren't full out emo. After we brought Jill home we picked up Dan and hung out until about 1:30 AM. First we went to Streets of Woodfield where Dan got his picture taken three times. Then we went to Denny's where, well, many things happen. For one thing, we were sitting eating our food and the guy at the booth behind Dan turned around and was staring at him. Eventually Crystal told Dan "Hey, I think that guy wants to talk to you." so Dan turned around and the guy screamed "Holy ****!" because of Dan's make up and stuff. It was hysterical. Fun night. We're also going to pick him up later today and we're all going to go to Wheaton Bible Church. Yay, the inevitable church hunt has begun!